As an American woman I am pretty much independent. Yes, I am one of those woman that do everything on her own. Or I used to do everything on my own. Before I had an African marriage.
An African marriage is different from a regular marriage. “In Africa marriage is sacred. It is a solidifies relationship that enrich communities and nations by bring forth new life and new hope. A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers.” And I got that little bit from the internet. Lmbo.
Firstly my husband is most definitely the king of this castle. There is no other head that’s higher then my husband. And not because he’s the tallest person in the house either. Lol!
Secondly nothing and I do mean nothing can go over his head. In the Airport my husband would be consider Secret Service or FBI. He knows everything down to the t.
Thirdly with my husband there is no such thing as privacy in own home. My husband is concern about everything. My blog and business, my feelings, my family and friends if I have a problem my husband is concern.
Now that I explained my husband ways let me go into mines.
I realized that we fight because I’m so independent. I have never been able to depend on anyone in my life. It has just been me, and me, and next to that me. There is no me or I in the word husband. He is one of those rare people that down take no for any answers. Slowly my husband been opening doors in my life that was off limits.
Now up until recently he had never seen me cry. That’s the moment I realize I’m not alone. I can depend on him. He always knew I was there for him but up until I crash land read the blog An African Loss to understand my meaning. I didn’t know that someone could love me so much to be there for me.
This is when I realize that this is an African love. A love that is private but open all doors within you. My husband does not like PDA (public display of affection) only hand holding sometimes. But now sometimes he kisses me not truly openly but in the car before we get out of it. Lol! You guys have to know that even that’s major when it comes to African men.
I asked my husband about his love for me. He stated; ” I love you so much that’s why I want you to fix your credit and stop shopping all the time. Spending all that money will not help our marriage.” It figure he would bring up my shopping. Now I cry all the time to him. I just cried recently to him when I missed the Desi-x-Katy collaboration with Dose of colors which was sold out this week on the first day. (Not sponsored) My husband still didn’t understand why I wanted to stay home and stare at my computer instead of helping him. So because I love him I went anyway and missed the buying everything.
Although I did get some Mac brushes as a gift to make up for me missing the collection. And for all of you guys wondering if I used tears to my advantage now. Don’t forget my husband is African he can smell me faking it a mile away. So no worries there until next time. I’ll let you guys know if I get something pass him. See you later Travelers.
At the beginning of my marriage I was subconsciously aware of everything except my body. I was trying to understand my husbands culture and lifestyle that I neglected my eating habits. I just ate and ate and ate. Did I tell you guys that we socialize every weekend? So of course that didn’t help.
I am pescetarian which means the only meat I eat is fish. It is very hard for me when I’m invited to my friends houses and the only option is cake for a dish without meat. Africans eat a fish dish at almost every event. And who don’t like Jollof rice? So I’m always able to make a plate of food with multiple items to eat when I go out with him.
I didn’t realize I’d gain a lot of weight until everyone started asking if I was pregnant. And if I was I would have been 4 to 5 months with the weight I gained. Almost 20 pounds in a short period of time. Mind you I was already 15 pounds over my BMI (body mass index).
When your happy you stop worrying about anything and just enjoy marriage. This is how I ate Africa, the whole of Africa. I didn’t care that I ate because I kept eating at every event.
Sometimes you can be so blind when it comes to how you look at yourself. When I would ask my husband did he think I was fat? He replied to me that I look good. A friend said that all African men like something to hold on to when it comes to their wives. I remember being told that some African tribes like for their wives to be big. It represent that they have the means to provide for their wives.
In my delusion about my weight I jump on the scale thinking that nothing had change. The airport was at it most turbulence after realizing I gain 18 pounds. I then decided that I would go on these crazy diets. Which drove my husband crazy. After two weeks of not cooking, and eating less my husband was done. And in his case it meant I was done. So now we have gym days. My husband decided that we can both do it together.
All in all my husband felt that me being me what every size I am was more important to him. So now we have a gym bill I never through gyms were so expensive. Also I was spending to much money on new clothes which probably help him with decision in the first place. You guys have to realize I have a his and her closet just for me. It’s way more cheaper to buy a gym membership. Lol! After one or two shopping trips my husband is like we’re going to the gym. I now lost about 7 pounds which means more shopping. What! That’s an accomplishment and you guys know me by now.
I would also like to take the time out to thank the many people who showed love on my last blog. Some of you guys really love the Airport living so I am going to call you guys travelers. Thanks again for all of your support. See you next week travelers.
For weeks now I’ve tried not to be serious, because I wanted to keep it cheerful. I try to make sure I write everything in the humorous way from when I started.
I know you guys notice that I’ve been MIA for a couple of weeks. And Some even contacted me via email. Thank you for your concern my husband and I have been dealing with a loss.
This new life that I’m living married to an African male is different. I have never went through a lost with any other male the way I have with my husband. To be honest I didn’t think it would affect him in anyway.
I will not disclose our lost but I can tell you this it has affected everything in my life. The reason that I’m even talking about it is because I’m getting counseling. And this has opened the door for me to come out explaining my healing. I’m not fully healed yet but the process is helping my marriage.
Our marriage scares me sometimes. It’s as if we been together for years. Although we are still at the beginning stage of marriage the first five years. We both are really still learning from each other. I even realize now that we deal differently with everything.
A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a friend that had suffer something similar. She stated that her and her husband were not speaking to each other. And that they just tried to ignore the situation. The shock on my face was real.
You see my husband would never let me go without speaking to him. I could be mad for days but every day we still talk to each other. I’m one of those people that deal with loss and can not eat. My husband made sure I ate and took care of myself. He was there in every way including running baths for me with a glass of wine. Taking me out for walk and bringing home little surprises like my favorite takeout.
I’m really selfish with my pain were I don’t look around to think about anyone else. Then I realize my husband was equally suffering and that it was an African loss. He was strong because he is a king, my lion to take care of everything. Once I realized the pain was just as strong in him and he would never show me openly. I became the wife he needed me to be.
I asked him how does he handle me being me and Airport living. His reply was I love you and I accept a lot because you love me back. My husband continue to show me how amazing he is and there is always more to love in him.
I’m not saying our marriage is perfect in that case I wouldn’t need to blog about it. What I am saying is I’m happy for the imperfection of our marriage. Even if I’m crazy living at the Airport. He doesn’t always have to get me to be by my side. The fact that he’s there is all that’s counts.
Oh yeah some of you guys was wondering whether or not I reorder my shoes. Let’s just say I got something better. No not my husband I’ll always have him but I cancelled my clothing order thats being made now. My husband surprised me with the opportunity to go to get them myself sooner rather than later. I’ll tell you guys about that in another blog. I may be doing some pre-shopping just to be prepared I have to see what my husband say. You guys know me by now so you will hear about that too later, see you next time.
African husband Vs. Makeup
- I am loved.
- I have someone that really cares for me.
- He understands airport living.
- I really enjoy being with him.
1. He don’t care for makeup.
- It makes me look gorgeous.
- It brings out my confident.
- I can create a work of art.
- It helps keep my skin healthy.
- It helps people to notice me in different ways.
- It helps when I’m down.
- My husband prefers me natural.
Okay you guys knew this was coming. When it comes to makeup my husband could careless whether I ware it or not. You guys have to realize my husband didn’t meet me looking my best. When we met I was in sweats and I had a bare face. When we were dating I kinda hid the glamorous side of myself. This was mainly because my husband would talk about how good I look all natural.
Over time of course the makeup called to me. And I wanted to become a butterfly. The first time I let him see me with makeup on we’d just got engage. I was introducing him to friends at a social event. He thought I was beautiful and he loved I could ware makeup but again he wanted to see me. Not the enhance me with makeup.
It didn’t seem like a problem at first because he never knew how long it took to get it looking perfect. And when he moved in after we were married I would make sure to start early on my makeup. So really it was okay for him and it didn’t affect our social life.
You guys know that this didn’t last long. After about two months makeup was everywhere and the time seem to fly by every time I applied it. There were time that we would need to be somewhere and show up an hour or two late. It only took one month before my husband became annoyed with me and makeup.
We argue about the time it takes to put makeup on. The time it takes to take makeup off. That I’m beautiful and don’t need it. How much makeup I have which in his opinion is a lot. The money I spent on makeup and the need for more.
My husband didn’t understand that makeup like this blog makes me happy. I can remember all those time I used makeup as an outlet for my pain from loss. It was therapeutic for me.
Finally my husband band me from purchasing more makeup or wearing it with him. After about a week to him but it felt like years to me. We seat down to talk about it. He was concerned he didn’t understand why I wanted to wear makeup so much. Or why other people was more important to me because I could not be wearing it for him. He wondered why I didn’t see how beautiful I was without it. And how I must always present this prefect mask around everyone.
It took me back. I didn’t realize how much he cared about me wearing makeup. He likes makeup on special occasions where I could go the extra mile but to go to the Dollars Tree (Not Sponsored). He felt it was over kill.
I explained to him how much happiness makeup brings me. That it help me get through all the bad time when he wasn’t there in my life. And that it’s not a mask it’s more of a canvas to create. I love makeup not to cover up but to bring out a woman who was just recently discovered. You see all my life I only wore lipstick or mascara maybe once in a while eyeshadow. So makeup was still new to me.
Once we started talking it led to other things and we were able to get an understanding on both side. Now my husband just give me a timed schedule. If I’m not ready I forfeit five dollars to go toward any makeup I want to buy. Which after three time being late I really do the minimum sometime. This keep us both happy I don’t lose money and he loves the less is more look. Now back to my shopping of course you guys know I did not get to keep the Coach shoes. So when I return them I decide to get a charm because I had just the right amount for something small. I can’t help it you guys know me by now. And beside I now have my first African outfit eventually I will be ordering some shoes to go with them. Here starts my evil plan lol. Talk to you guys later.
How can I explain abandonment to an infant? How can I talk to the died about accepting life responsibilities? How does one chase a phantom? You can’t? My real father was a rolling stone who I had no reason to hate. Someone from what I overheard as a child was a blessing to lose. Someone that seem like a coward and what have killed the woman blooming for the rock.
The front of my book cover is the naked back of a woman baring it all. I want to say that it’s done tastefully but I really can say that. Tasteful is an opinion and to each they’re own. My book came from a place that was bare. It came from the inner me, the me that could not come out until now. I misplace myself in this life. I had to kill off part of me that just wanted to obey society. The part that would not cause trouble and just accept my life however it may be. Then the part of me that could not live like this any longer took over. So before I knew it I was dyeing my hair red and writing my second book. I could tell you trust me when it come out will be something to really talk about. That’s another story for another time but the naked thing is kind a like opening a closet. People that would like to buy the book look and say is it about sex or what. I could say no but that would be a lie. Other say it’s not spiritual is it and answering no again would be another lie. So you mean to tell me that you put God and sin in one book. Yeah I kinda did but you read a book that also did that. And then they say what that book would be because I only read the Holy Bible. I don’t know what you’re reading but the Holy Bible does put the two together unless you’re skipping over those parts. I’m not here to debate the Bible so let’s just get back to my book. I didn’t do the book cover like this so that I could sell books. Or ever name the company Selling Katenna for that same reason. One I already have a post on why I name the company and the book their names so if you want to know go back to that post. Moving on the naked woman on the cover, I had a struggle within myself to know if I was really going to do that. The fight was so strong that I at the last minute change the book cover twice. That woman may or may not be me but that is not in question also that’s something I not going to answer. The question that is on everyone mind is why is there a naked woman on the cover. All I can say is that as an artist my creative side wouldn’t let me do it no other way. If you look closely that piece was done using the title of the book. Yes the whole piece is nothing but words. Some would ask why I chose that position. I could tell you the true that not only is she not ready to face the world but also she turn her back on society. I realize that this book was baring my soul and accepting my faith so that’s why she naked. That why she turn to you showing everyone her back and backside. I want people to understand that again I write from the heart as all artist do. I had to accept that I could never go with anyone flow. So buy it for the words or buy it for the cover or don’t buy it at all. Either way I have to be unapologetic about my creativity. My life is an open book that was just publish so whether you’re on this flight or not we’re in different seat and we may not sit together either way.
I see myself as a woman that is rarely wrong.
But wait…. Let me explain.
I am highly educated and very intelligent.
But wait…. Let me explain.
I read, and continue studying everything from finance to Spanish.
So as you can see being wrong is something that rarely happens to me… Okay okay I know.
There is no excuses why a grown woman should treat her king like he needs guidance. After all he is the man of the house. The king of his castle. The head of this household. Too much fluff okay okay.
So let me explain how this happen to me with my husband, my king, the one that complete me, the father of my future children, the only man that understands me,…. Okay so I still have a lot of apologizing to do hello! My husband is somewhat new to some American ways. Although my husband has been in America for a couple of years he stayed true to his African culture. We discuss almost everything with each other in the decision making process. But a lot of things he does now is base on suggestions from some-what friends. So I may not always be on board with some of the things he’s doing. So in my way of trying to protect him from harm way I started blocking opportunities.
I wanted to help my husband. It’s hard to trust others intention when they offer help. It was something I learn the hard way myself. In my actions I was unprepared how this would hurt our marriage. My husband need time to learn some thing on his own. He needed my support to just be able to trust his opinion.
Like a chick flying for the first time my husband wanted to trust in his own wings. I just wanted to put him in a big bubble for the rest of our marriage life. I can see how wrong I was by doing this. It’s hard saying your sorry when protecting someone you love very much.
I realize just how strong my husband really is after all he is a lion. He has survival skills that goes beyond an American. His instinct on the nature of people is so much better than mines. On top of that he always planing things out to the fullest.
Plus on top of that he’s very forgiving with me when I make mistakes when it comes to this stuff. Now if he could just forgive me for spending a hundred dollars at Macy’s. What was more like two hundred but who’s counting. I need shoes and makeup. You guys know the drill so sue me. Talk to you next time maybe I’ll be off my “no shopping rule” because it’s killing me lol.