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As an American woman I am pretty much independent. Yes, I am one of those woman that do everything on her own. Or I used to do everything on my own. Before I had an African marriage.
An African marriage is different from a regular marriage. “In Africa marriage is sacred. It is a solidifies relationship that enrich communities and nations by bring forth new life and new hope. A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers.” And I got that little bit from the internet. Lmbo.
Firstly my husband is most definitely the king of this castle. There is no other head that’s higher then my husband. And not because he’s the tallest person in the house either. Lol!
Secondly nothing and I do mean nothing can go over his head. In the Airport my husband would be consider Secret Service or FBI. He knows everything down to the t.
Thirdly with my husband there is no such thing as privacy in own home. My husband is concern about everything. My blog and business, my feelings, my family and friends if I have a problem my husband is concern.
Now that I explained my husband ways let me go into mines.
I realized that we fight because I’m so independent. I have never been able to depend on anyone in my life. It has just been me, and me, and next to that me. There is no me or I in the word husband. He is one of those rare people that down take no for any answers. Slowly my husband been opening doors in my life that was off limits.
Now up until recently he had never seen me cry. That’s the moment I realize I’m not alone. I can depend on him. He always knew I was there for him but up until I crash land read the blog An African Loss to understand my meaning. I didn’t know that someone could love me so much to be there for me.
This is when I realize that this is an African love. A love that is private but open all doors within you. My husband does not like PDA (public display of affection) only hand holding sometimes. But now sometimes he kisses me not truly openly but in the car before we get out of it. Lol! You guys have to know that even that’s major when it comes to African men.
I asked my husband about his love for me. He stated; ” I love you so much that’s why I want you to fix your credit and stop shopping all the time. Spending all that money will not help our marriage.” It figure he would bring up my shopping. Now I cry all the time to him. I just cried recently to him when I missed the Desi-x-Katy collaboration with Dose of colors which was sold out this week on the first day. (Not sponsored) My husband still didn’t understand why I wanted to stay home and stare at my computer instead of helping him. So because I love him I went anyway and missed the buying everything.
Although I did get some Mac brushes as a gift to make up for me missing the collection. And for all of you guys wondering if I used tears to my advantage now. Don’t forget my husband is African he can smell me faking it a mile away. So no worries there until next time. I’ll let you guys know if I get something pass him. See you later Travelers.
At the beginning of my marriage I was subconsciously aware of everything except my body. I was trying to understand my husbands culture and lifestyle that I neglected my eating habits. I just ate and ate and ate. Did I tell you guys that we socialize every weekend? So of course that didn’t help.
I am pescetarian which means the only meat I eat is fish. It is very hard for me when I’m invited to my friends houses and the only option is cake for a dish without meat. Africans eat a fish dish at almost every event. And who don’t like Jollof rice? So I’m always able to make a plate of food with multiple items to eat when I go out with him.
I didn’t realize I’d gain a lot of weight until everyone started asking if I was pregnant. And if I was I would have been 4 to 5 months with the weight I gained. Almost 20 pounds in a short period of time. Mind you I was already 15 pounds over my BMI (body mass index).
When your happy you stop worrying about anything and just enjoy marriage. This is how I ate Africa, the whole of Africa. I didn’t care that I ate because I kept eating at every event.
Sometimes you can be so blind when it comes to how you look at yourself. When I would ask my husband did he think I was fat? He replied to me that I look good. A friend said that all African men like something to hold on to when it comes to their wives. I remember being told that some African tribes like for their wives to be big. It represent that they have the means to provide for their wives.
In my delusion about my weight I jump on the scale thinking that nothing had change. The airport was at it most turbulence after realizing I gain 18 pounds. I then decided that I would go on these crazy diets. Which drove my husband crazy. After two weeks of not cooking, and eating less my husband was done. And in his case it meant I was done. So now we have gym days. My husband decided that we can both do it together.
All in all my husband felt that me being me what every size I am was more important to him. So now we have a gym bill I never through gyms were so expensive. Also I was spending to much money on new clothes which probably help him with decision in the first place. You guys have to realize I have a his and her closet just for me. It’s way more cheaper to buy a gym membership. Lol! After one or two shopping trips my husband is like we’re going to the gym. I now lost about 7 pounds which means more shopping. What! That’s an accomplishment and you guys know me by now.
I would also like to take the time out to thank the many people who showed love on my last blog. Some of you guys really love the Airport living so I am going to call you guys travelers. Thanks again for all of your support. See you next week travelers.
For weeks now I’ve tried not to be serious, because I wanted to keep it cheerful. I try to make sure I write everything in the humorous way from when I started.
I know you guys notice that I’ve been MIA for a couple of weeks. And Some even contacted me via email. Thank you for your concern my husband and I have been dealing with a loss.
This new life that I’m living married to an African male is different. I have never went through a lost with any other male the way I have with my husband. To be honest I didn’t think it would affect him in anyway.
I will not disclose our lost but I can tell you this it has affected everything in my life. The reason that I’m even talking about it is because I’m getting counseling. And this has opened the door for me to come out explaining my healing. I’m not fully healed yet but the process is helping my marriage.
Our marriage scares me sometimes. It’s as if we been together for years. Although we are still at the beginning stage of marriage the first five years. We both are really still learning from each other. I even realize now that we deal differently with everything.
A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a friend that had suffer something similar. She stated that her and her husband were not speaking to each other. And that they just tried to ignore the situation. The shock on my face was real.
You see my husband would never let me go without speaking to him. I could be mad for days but every day we still talk to each other. I’m one of those people that deal with loss and can not eat. My husband made sure I ate and took care of myself. He was there in every way including running baths for me with a glass of wine. Taking me out for walk and bringing home little surprises like my favorite takeout.
I’m really selfish with my pain were I don’t look around to think about anyone else. Then I realize my husband was equally suffering and that it was an African loss. He was strong because he is a king, my lion to take care of everything. Once I realized the pain was just as strong in him and he would never show me openly. I became the wife he needed me to be.
I asked him how does he handle me being me and Airport living. His reply was I love you and I accept a lot because you love me back. My husband continue to show me how amazing he is and there is always more to love in him.
I’m not saying our marriage is perfect in that case I wouldn’t need to blog about it. What I am saying is I’m happy for the imperfection of our marriage. Even if I’m crazy living at the Airport. He doesn’t always have to get me to be by my side. The fact that he’s there is all that’s counts.
Oh yeah some of you guys was wondering whether or not I reorder my shoes. Let’s just say I got something better. No not my husband I’ll always have him but I cancelled my clothing order thats being made now. My husband surprised me with the opportunity to go to get them myself sooner rather than later. I’ll tell you guys about that in another blog. I may be doing some pre-shopping just to be prepared I have to see what my husband say. You guys know me by now so you will hear about that too later, see you next time.
African husband Vs. Makeup
- I am loved.
- I have someone that really cares for me.
- He understands airport living.
- I really enjoy being with him.
1. He don’t care for makeup.
- It makes me look gorgeous.
- It brings out my confident.
- I can create a work of art.
- It helps keep my skin healthy.
- It helps people to notice me in different ways.
- It helps when I’m down.
- My husband prefers me natural.
Okay you guys knew this was coming. When it comes to makeup my husband could careless whether I ware it or not. You guys have to realize my husband didn’t meet me looking my best. When we met I was in sweats and I had a bare face. When we were dating I kinda hid the glamorous side of myself. This was mainly because my husband would talk about how good I look all natural.
Over time of course the makeup called to me. And I wanted to become a butterfly. The first time I let him see me with makeup on we’d just got engage. I was introducing him to friends at a social event. He thought I was beautiful and he loved I could ware makeup but again he wanted to see me. Not the enhance me with makeup.
It didn’t seem like a problem at first because he never knew how long it took to get it looking perfect. And when he moved in after we were married I would make sure to start early on my makeup. So really it was okay for him and it didn’t affect our social life.
You guys know that this didn’t last long. After about two months makeup was everywhere and the time seem to fly by every time I applied it. There were time that we would need to be somewhere and show up an hour or two late. It only took one month before my husband became annoyed with me and makeup.
We argue about the time it takes to put makeup on. The time it takes to take makeup off. That I’m beautiful and don’t need it. How much makeup I have which in his opinion is a lot. The money I spent on makeup and the need for more.
My husband didn’t understand that makeup like this blog makes me happy. I can remember all those time I used makeup as an outlet for my pain from loss. It was therapeutic for me.
Finally my husband band me from purchasing more makeup or wearing it with him. After about a week to him but it felt like years to me. We seat down to talk about it. He was concerned he didn’t understand why I wanted to wear makeup so much. Or why other people was more important to me because I could not be wearing it for him. He wondered why I didn’t see how beautiful I was without it. And how I must always present this prefect mask around everyone.
It took me back. I didn’t realize how much he cared about me wearing makeup. He likes makeup on special occasions where I could go the extra mile but to go to the Dollars Tree (Not Sponsored). He felt it was over kill.
I explained to him how much happiness makeup brings me. That it help me get through all the bad time when he wasn’t there in my life. And that it’s not a mask it’s more of a canvas to create. I love makeup not to cover up but to bring out a woman who was just recently discovered. You see all my life I only wore lipstick or mascara maybe once in a while eyeshadow. So makeup was still new to me.
Once we started talking it led to other things and we were able to get an understanding on both side. Now my husband just give me a timed schedule. If I’m not ready I forfeit five dollars to go toward any makeup I want to buy. Which after three time being late I really do the minimum sometime. This keep us both happy I don’t lose money and he loves the less is more look. Now back to my shopping of course you guys know I did not get to keep the Coach shoes. So when I return them I decide to get a charm because I had just the right amount for something small. I can’t help it you guys know me by now. And beside I now have my first African outfit eventually I will be ordering some shoes to go with them. Here starts my evil plan lol. Talk to you guys later.
It was the wedding of the year, No! Of the decade, No! Of the century, No! Of the millennium. Yes that’s right the wedding of the millennium. And whatever could go wrong did go wrong. You guys have to understand this wedding was all I could talk about. I had been planning for this wedding for over a month. Only to have all my best laid plans go wrong.
First let’s just say I wanted to have options when it came to what I wore. I wanted five outfits to bring with me. Don’t get me wrong I am not the kinda person that need to have an outfit changes like the bride. I just wanted to make a good impression among all the guests. After all there was a king present at the wedding. But let me stay focus.
All of my outfits was being made and some could not be completed. So I was left with two outfits which in my opinion was the best overall. Of course that was before the shirt of the outfit for Friday got a stain. This happen after we arrived to the hotel. Yes so because I had extra shirt I was able to attend the first wedding. But I looked totally American why the entire room looked African.
The Coach shoes I ordered did not have my size so my order was canceled. Then I was allowed to go a half size up but the shoes was not going to be delivered on time. Yes this out of all things broke my heart. What! Don’t forget this is the airport.
My husband left me in charge of reserving the hotel room. You guys know my assistance is on vacay or vacation. So I forgot to reserve our room. I had to talk to the bride for help. Two days before the wedding I was able to find something. Which was overpriced and this led to an argument with my husband.
I end up ordering something for the bride which never came. So we didn’t have a gift. My husband had to do business the day we were leaving. When he arrived home I was unprepared and not ready. Did I tell you guys that the location was almost a two hours drive? Or that he still had to stop and pick up food? Or that he still had to get dressed? Or that I had to finish getting dressed myself 30 minutes before we had to be on the road? So you know we had an argument about that also.
And on top of all those things a lot of other thing happen too but if I keep going on this blog may never end. Lol
In the end it all came together I was able to pull it off and make a good impression. My husband explained that he really wasn’t concerned about anything because he didn’t married me to impressed anyone. He married me for love and the only person I should be worried about is him. Also that I have to return the shoes when they come because unfortunately I end up spending over our budget with the hotel. This out of all made me cry. I wonder if he’ll change his mind I really do love those shoes. I’ll tell you guys if I change his mind, talk to you later. Before I go MrsKChuk IG has all the pics from the wedding so go check it out and follow me on all the MrsKChuk social media. Thanks you guys.
Meeting his tribe. The never-ending line of Africans.
To be honest with you meeting a lot of African people is the usual around these parts. (In my cowboy voice)
Ever since I’ve been married to my husband, Africans have been dropping out of doors, windows, closets, and even my bathroom no pun intended. Lol
I know this sounds extravagant and extra but I’ve met at least 40 or more Africans. And this was within the first two months of being married. Even before I met the tribe. Or at least a quarter of the tribe from what I’m told.
I am privileged to be married into a culture that celebrate everything in life. So every weekend something is being celebrated. Parties, events, and meetings make up a lot of our social life.
So when we were invited to a big event I was sure that it would be the usual. My bad dawg…
You guys know I can dress and beat my face if not to the Gods then at least to the minor Gods. So my exterior is always prepared when we attend events. But I was really unprepared for the amount of people at this event. It felt like thousands of people but it was more like a couple of hundreds. Wow!
I didn’t know my husband was so well liked as everyone hugged and caught up with him. Or that this was his element and he would be so laid-back. I had never seen him so sociable and talkative in our whole relationship. I really cannot describe with just a couple of words what he was like so I’ll save it for another blog.
I didn’t have time to be scared or even get nervous everything and everyone was going so fast. It was just a lot of people all at once.
So the moment my husband realized something was off. He came to me and whispered in my ear that we were going outside that very moment. For the first time in history I was overwhelmed. Believe it or not that has never happened at the airport.
As soon as we were alone he ask what happened and I told him it’s a lot of people. He laughed and stated wait until the wedding. Then he kissed me and said “I love you and you keep on surprising me. I didn’t expect that you would react this way. Not the woman who can talk to anyone.”
Just then I remembered who I was and not who I pretend to be. You see that a lot of these events I’ve been trying to act a part, be the perfect wife, always on professional mode. So now I had no time to play a part I just had to be me. Crazy, talkative, very sociable, funny me. It helped that after that my husband was very protective of me so everywhere I went he was not far.
I realize that if I had to choose to be happy with my husband and never go shopping for clothes or shoes again? I would choose my husband. Now make-up, let me think about it lol. Hey you guys we didn’t learn how to fly in a day. I’m still working on my shopping habits it just takes time. You guys just got to stay tune to see what happens, anyways I’ll talk to you later.
How can I explain abandonment to an infant? How can I talk to the died about accepting life responsibilities? How does one chase a phantom? You can’t? My real father was a rolling stone who I had no reason to hate. Someone from what I overheard as a child was a blessing to lose. Someone that seem like a coward and what have killed the woman blooming for the rock.
When it come to being presented to the leaders of the tribe one must have African Etiquette.
- One can not be loud
- One must be respectful
- One must always dress appropriate (Check)
- One must always wait to be spoken to
Or that’s what I observed. Lol
It was as if my husband was a prince and approval of his chosen wife must be given. My husband wasn’t sure what to tell me when I asked about his Uncles. He really didn’t understand my concern even after I explained to him twice. I mean I’m meeting your family elders what else can you tell me. Duh
It was like a scene from a movie. Getting dressed and being prepared to meet the Uncles of my husband. Or what I like to call them ”The Tribal Leaders”.
I had everything I wanted to say to them prepared and ready to be the perfect wife for my king. Well at least I tried but right before or more like an hour before I was given a large glass of liquid courage. Yes I know I wanted to give a good impression but I still felt a little nervous.
When my husband said he was ready for me I was very relaxed. Relaxed to the point were I know the liquid courage had done it job a little to well. No matter what the show must go on. When I was being presented the introduction was over done and I was a little too personal.
I listen a lot to everything they said but the little match light in me became a fire as they went on and on. I respect my elders, it doesn’t matter the culture but I’m not a very submissive woman. Sorry not sorry. Him describing to me my job as a wife when I know that for an African wife does not work for me. As of always I explained myself a little too well.
At this point I just knew my husband was going to band me from every store for the rest of my life. Then I look up at him and all I saw was his love for me. And even though I knew I came across as a little controlling and pushy I was still like overall by The Tribal Leaders. Go figure.
Later I asked my husband if he was mad and he said “That was one of the reasons he married me because he knew I would fight for him always.” He loves me so much even though I was a little disrespectful. So I was still band from buying shoes from Coach. Disrespectful is still disrespectful oh well. I can’t spend any money on Coach shoes unless I can come up with the money myself. I got a couple of items from Coach I’m selling. Any taker? Lol It’s always funny at the Airport talk to you guys later.